For Grace, a 21-year-old Baltimore trans girl, being with an other woman had been the introduction to topping that she required. “I never felt comfortable accessing dominance she says, explaining that topping as a heterosexual man meant she denied her own femininity while objectifying that of her partner’s, which wasn’t for her until I could understand that through lesbian identity. “I am appreciating my femininity once I top being a lesbian. I’m being a very good and supportive woman, ” she messages me personally. “I’m keeping my femininity, perhaps perhaps not curbing it. ”
Numerous trans women that prefer bottoming can nevertheless find pleasure in topping. “Sharing part of my own body having a partner whom seemingly has more control of a human anatomy part than i actually do doesn’t have actually to be a poor thing, ” Xris tells me. “i would like my partner to feel well. ” This kind of service-topping can transform an work that is otherwise seen as an anxious refusal into certainly one of mutual pleasure—even in the event that person topping is inspired more by generosity than by sexual interest.
That i don’t usually like“ I am showing my partner a part of me. I definitely feel like I’m being not only vulnerable, but even pushing the boundaries of my own comfort, ” Xris explains when I top. “I’m fine carrying this out if there’s discussion involved. ”
Tops are often thought rather to own no intimate boundaries, states Grace, referencing her very own experiences topping along with her “Swiss Army Knife pussy, ” otherwise known as a penis. In line with the magenta-mohawked energy dyke, bottoms frequently anticipate tops to offer without concern, as the penetration regarding the base warrants a check-in. This proposed instability is, needless to say, ridiculous: “It’s maybe not just like the bottom’s permission could be the only thing that’s here, ” Grace says. “once you suppose, then my actions are just in respect with your consent.